Hey everyone,
Uau, thank you so much for all the replies and love you sent my way. It was received with open arms and heart. Deepest gratitude to you.
Don't worry, I did not forget to write to you, I actually wrote about 3 different drafts of this newsletter as the month went by. However, for some reason at the time unclear, now obvious, I didn’t send them. Such reason I will keep to myself, but I will tell you that the month of April hasn’t taken a break.
Today, I come to you with, once again, a very personal message. I wondered if and how to write about this, I wrote and rewrote until I understood the reasoning behind wanting to share such a deep and intimate exchange.
I believe it’s because in this exchange, I met with/I was confronted by my ancestry. I met with the power of the ocean, my family's deep ties with it. I encountered immense knowledge of the role of these salty waters in our lives, our love and our souls.
I talk and research so much about ancestry. In our disconnected world, new generations are searching more and more for a sense of belonging at a soul level. We tend to go outwards, beyond our lands. We find this spiritual aliveness in other cultures that haven’t completely lost themselves to the western agenda of productivity and money. We forget that once upon a time, we had such aliveness. Built over lives, generations and practices, built on and from our lands. I aim to go inwards, to my people, my land. Meet the sacredness of our soil and our waters, the spirits that guarded and guided our ancestors. To nurture and foster this ancestral bond.
In this exchange with a family member of mine, we unconsciously opened an untapped knowing. When trying to express ourselves, parallels with the ocean came naturally, as if it were the only way we knew how to communicate with one another.
I won't share more in this letter, as I think there's so much we can sit with here.
I hope this transparency I have allows you to feel like you can do the same with someone in your life or with me. My people said that I was courageous to have reached out with such vulnerability and honesty. I don’t feel courageous. I feel like it was the minimum I could do for him and for me. To say what I carry, to speak from the heart. I encourage you to do the same, to respect and honor your truth, for as hard as it may seem, once you break the silence, surrendering will follow.
An exchange about our ocean da Costa
Without getting into much detail, me and a family member had a sweet and sour exchange on life, the ocean and our family.
A few weeks ago, I was told of the severity of the situation, and a sense of urgency took over my heart. I needed to find a way to communicate what was suffocating me. With love and respect. I won't share everything, I think these newsletters work almost like a diary, but I still think some things are better left between me and him.
This exchange was in Portuguese, so I will leave an original and a translated version so everyone can understand.
PT:
V: O que se diz numa situação destas? Quaisquer palavras soam ocas comparado com o que carrego. No entanto, com esta distância que nos separa, apenas as palavras podem levar o que sinto até aí. Então deixo aqui por escrito uma tentativa de traduzir o que me vai no coração.
Estar longe de casa nestas alturas torna tudo mais difícil, tudo e todos parecem ainda mais longe, mas saiba que estou a gritar para que o mar leve um sussurro até si.
Se há algo que sei, nos meus 24 anos de vida, é que é o mar que nos liga , por mais básico que isto soe, eu carrego comigo uma certeza de que mesmo estando do outro lado do mundo, ou na rua do lado, posso ir ao mar e ele levará a minha mensagem até si.
O mar na nossa família não é só um sítio, um ponto de encontro, o mar é parte da nossa tribo. Não é por acaso que o nosso apelido é ‘da Costa’, nós somos da costa, aquela que vai ao encontro do mar.
Ele é transporte para aqueles embarcados em viagens longínquas, é ouvido para aqueles que necessitam de um desabafo, é amigo para aqueles que procuram clareza, é mensageiro para aqueles que estão longe, é companhia para qualquer um de nós. O mar é tão pessoa quanto nós.
E isto é tão vivido na nossa família.
O mar tem lugar à mesa, lugar nas conversas, lugar nos pensamentos e lugar no nosso coração, é a única constante além do amor que partilhamos. O mar é a nossa casa.
É também no mar que encontro incorporadas as dualidades e contradições que tanto consomem esta vida humana. Tráz descanso, dá-nos força, é imponente e carinhoso, limpa-nos as ânsias e pede a nossa devida atenção. É rabugento e doce.
Isto faz-me pensar na dualidade que carrego ao saber das notícias, não quero que vá, quero que não perca o pé, quero que lute contra a maré, ao mesmo tempo quero que descanse depois destes anos de nadar contra corrente, quero que não se desgaste, quero vê-lo embalado a ir com as ondas.
Mas sei que não desiste, se há algo que me ensinou é que a nossa narrativa não define quem somos e o que o nosso futuro pode ser. Se estiver a lutar espero que seja por si, pela sua história, por causa do seu espírito de guerreiro, e não porque acha que tem de ser, ou por nós.
Nós teremos para sempre o nosso agosto e o nosso mar, para ir ao seu encontro, esteja em casa, esteja no céu, esteja no ……., esteja na areia.
Pode ter a certeza que quando a saudade bater,
vou estar à beira mar
para o encontrar
no ritmo da maré,
no quebrar das ondas,
na força das correntes,
nos rugidos sussurrados,
vou lá estar de pés gelados.
Quando estiver à beira mar, feche os olhos e oiça no seu rugido a minha voz, e a voz de todos aqueles que ainda cá estão e aqueles que já partiram. Eu farei o mesmo, e ensinarei esta prática aos meus filhos e netos. Para sempre somos da Costa, porque somos o nosso mar.
As saudades são tão imensas que me afogam, mas não trocaria a falta de ar por nada, nas minhas lágrimas carrego o mar, carrego casa, carrego-o e à nossa querida família.
Com todo mesmo todo o meu amor escrevo-lhe esta mensagem, espero que me sinta por perto, porque eu sinto-o mesmo aqui, ao meu lado,
Vera DA COSTA
P: Verinha...
Só mais uma...
Frase que dizíamos, quando o mar estava bom, mas com a maré a mudar.
Tinhas de sair, mas não querias
Foi sempre "só mais uma"...
A surfada arrastava-se até ser difícil sair, por causa da maré ou do tamanho das ondas.
Havia sempre a vontade de continuar na água e apanhar a "última".
Normalmente era quando estava grande e perfeito.
Dias de surf épicos...
Só mais uma, digo eu agora...
A razão é a mesma, continuar a curtir, até não dar mais.
O motivo agora, é a vida, a família que me faz querer sempre mais e mais...
Não sabia como falar com vocês (mais novos) sobre isto que pode não acontecer.
Principalmente com vocês que estão fora e que passam por tudo sem nós ao lado.
Tive muita sorte na vida, sempre muito intensa e cheia.
Na família que é a minha força.
No mar que fez parte de mim desde sempre, que moldou quem sou e sempre me deu perspectiva sobre tudo na vida
Sou feliz...
Conheci a Luisinha que me deu nova vida novamente.
Quero ver esta família daqui a 10 anos, os vossos filhos, os nossos velhos...
Os nossos verões com tanta gente com muito boa energia, vai ser muito bom viver esses tempos.
Gostava de envelhecer ao lado da mulher da minha vida, dos meus filhos e no meio de vocês.
Vou continuar a lutar por isso, não sei fazer diferente.
Não vou desistir
Se acontecer, acontece, mas a tentar sempre a tentar.
Só mais uma...
Agora preciso que mandem a vossa energia e sorrisos quando pensam em mim, quem rezar que reze, as bruxas que façam as mezinhas, os amigos que bebam á minha saúde.
Fucking vudu nisto!
Agora vale tudo e eu aproveito tudo.
O teu pai vai sofrer muito se isto correr mal, mas sei que temos uma família que suporta tudo e todos
Conto convosco para se continuarem a divertir e quando se lembrarem de mim, que sejam das coisas boas que vivemos juntos.
Sempre com sorriso e sem tristezas.
Não vai acontecer
Gosto muito de ti <3
Só mais uma...
Sempre a remar para o pico
EN:
V: What to say in a situation like this? Any words feel hollow compared to what I carry… Nonetheless, with this distance that separates us, only words can carry how I feel to you. So, I leave here an attempt to translate what goes on in my heart.
Being far away from home in these times makes everything even harder, I feel everything and everyone even further away, but know that I am screaming to the ocean so it takes my whispers to you.
If there’s anything I know in my 24 years of life is that what connects us is then ocean, for as basic as this sounds, I carry with me a certainty that even on the other side of the world, or on the street below, I can go to the sea and it will take my message to you.
In our family, the ocean isn't just a place, a meeting ground, the ocean is part of our tribe. It’s not by chance that our surname is ‘da Costa’ (‘from the Coast’), we are the coast, the one that meets the waters.
It is a means of transportation to those embarked on long journeys, it's a listener to those who need to vent, a friend to those who look for clarity, a message for those far away, and company for any of us. The ocean is as much a person as we are.
This is so alive in our family.
The ocean has a seat at the table, a place in our thoughts and a corner in our hearts. It is the only constant other than the love our family shares. The ocean is our home.
It is also in these waters that I find embodied the dualities and contradictions that consume this human life. It brings rest, it gives strength, it is imposing and caring, it takes away our worries but asks us for undivided attention. It is grumpy and sweet.
This makes me reflect on the dualities I carry, hearing these news. I don't want you to go, I don’t want you to lose ground, I want you to fight against the tides, at the same time, I want you to rest after all this going against the current. I want to see you calmly rocked by the waves.
But I know you don't give up. If there was something you taught me it is that our narrative doesn’t define us or our future. If you are fighting, I want it to be for yourself, your story, your warrior spirit, and not because you think you have to or for us.
We will always have our August and our ocean, to meet you, whether you are home, in the heavens, or in the sand.
You can be sure that when the saudade hits,
I will be by the seashore
To meet you
In the rhythm of the tides,
The breaking of the waves,
The strength of the currents,
The roaring whispers
I will be there with frozen feet.
And when you are at the seashore, close your eyes and listen to my voice, and the voice of all that are here and all that are gone within the roar of the waters. I will do the same, and I will teach this practice to my children and my grandchildren. Forever we are da Costa, because we are our ocean.
The saudades are so immense they drown me, but I wouldn’t change this lack of air for anything, because in my tears I carry the ocean, I carry home, I carry you and our dear family.
With all my love, I write to you this message, hoping you feel me close, because I feel you right next to me, by my side,
Vera DA COSTA
P: Verinha...
Just one more…
A phrase that we would say when the sea was so good, but the tides were changing.
You had to leave, but never wanted to
It was always ‘Just one more’…
We would drag the surf until the tides and the waves made it harder and harder to get out.
We always wanted to keep going and catch ‘the last one’
Normally when it was big and perfect.
Epic surf days…
Now I say ‘just one more’…
And the reason is the same, to continue enjoying until the end
The reason now is life, family, that makes me want more and more…
I didn’t know how to talk to you (young ones) about what cannot happen.
Especially you, who are far away and go through it all without us by your side.
I was so very lucky, always with a full and intense life.
In our family, I find strength.
Our sea is part of me, it shaped me to be who I am and always gave me perspective on everything in life.
I am happy…
I met my grandchild, who gave me life again.
I want to see this family in 10 years, your children, our oldies…
Our summers with so many people and so much good energy, it will be good to live those times.
I want to grow old next to the women of my life, my children and in the middle of all of you.
I will keep fighting for of this, I don't know how to do it differently.
I won't give up.
If it happens, it happens, but I will forever try and fight.
Just one more…
Now I need you to send me energies and smile when you think of me, the ones who pray, pray, the witches make their spells, and the friends drink to my health.
Fucking vudu in all of this!
Anything goes now, and I will enjoy it all.
Just one more…
———
Some images of our August, our sea, our home
Praia das Manteigas, maré baixa, Carrapateira, Portugal, Agosto 2023
Sul da Praia do Amado, Carrapateira, Portugal, Agosto 2023
Praia das Manteigas, Carrapateria, Portugal, Agosto 2023
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You don’t need to reply to this.
If this message moves or resonates with you (if I may ask), just sit with that. Observe what it brings up, emotions, memories, sensations.
Of course, if you want to share, I welcome you. Once again, I say this is a safe space.
Thank you again for accompanying me on this journey, holding space and time for me to bring these messages.
I will share more and lighter stuff soon, as I said, a lot happened in April, so be sure a lot of tales and adventures will come.
Sending you love
beijinhos x
Vera da Costa
ps: Obrigada Beatriz Catarino for the reviewing and editing of this message <33
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